When I read the following from the introduction in Marion Rosen’s book, ROSEN METHOD BODYWORK, Accessing the Unconscious through Touch, I was moved to tears. There was no doubt in my mind. I had to go for a session. That was in June of 2014. Finishing my first intensive in February 2015, it was crystal clear that I would continue with this work and become a practitioner.
“I didn’t know what it felt like to be loved until I was seventy years old. I knew in my head that many people loved me, but I didn’t truly understand this until I opened up emotionally in a session. From then on I could let love in – I could feel it; it was a different life that I could now let in. It was not that the outside had changed, but my ability to receive had changed, and that made life very different. It is so important for students to have these personal experiences if they want to be practitioners or teachers of Rosen Method, and why it’s important to continue to receive sessions even if there is no particular complaint – because of all the surprises we have hidden in ourselves that continue to emerge over time.
We avoid showing ourselves by using our musculature to create protective barriers around our vulnerabilities. We are afraid the outside world will damage our true self, so we often live life without including this part of us. And yet, we are hunting for this hidden jewel, and other feelings such as hurt, anger, and sadness are in the way of our finding this place inside. When we do, the real being is allowed to emerge, and we will realize, ‘I didn’t know I could love and be loved.”
While living in Montreal, I took many different courses. They included Focusing, Energetic Anatomy, Spiritual Psychology, Reiki and Core Emotions. These courses were not only absorbing in their content, huge insights and healing occurred. In the Focusing course I became aware of a core belief I had. At some level, I felt I didn’t deserve to be loved because I was adopted. The amount of tears released with that insight seemed endless. The Energetic Anatomy and Reiki courses introduced me to the energy body. Through these courses I learnt a lot, including how sensitive the energetic layer of my body is. For example, if I walk under power lines I begin to vibrate.
All of these courses moved me along on my journey. Just like yoga, they guided me into new awareness within Myself and offered lots of insights and aha moments. When RMB crossed my path, I knew this modality was the next phase of Returning Home. In all honesty, I had no idea I wasn’t ‘home’. That awareness only came as I dove deeper and deeper into new depths of my Being. Depths I didn’t know existed.
The inner work required is long and arduous in many ways. Many times the urge to quit has arose. Something keeps me going though. The transformations I have gone through quite often boggle my mind. This work has significantly deepened my yoga practice and how I teach yoga. I am deeply moved to bring this work to people. Offering them the possibility of shifting from the person they thought they were, to the person they were meant to be.
“With Rosen Method I didn’t know I was lost until I was found.” Jeanette
Yoga and Me
My first experience with yoga was after teaching a fitness class on a Friday night. It left me feeling intrigued, calm and peaceful. I continued to stay for yoga after my class, craving the inner peace I always left with. After moving to Calgary, Alberta a couple of years later, I decided to take classes at the local recreation centre. This was in addition to working full-time, taking nutrition courses and teaching five fitness classes a week. The class was two hours long and I slept through each and every twenty minute savasana. I would wake up to everyone putting their coats and boots on. Apparently I was so exhausted my body rested at every opportunity.
When I bought my second yoga mat, two yoga VHS videos were included. A twenty minute AM class and a twenty minute PM yoga practice were included. I watched and practiced them a few times. Going to class was my preference.
With the move to Montreal, I totally forgot about yoga. Though I was excited to become bilingual and experience everything Montreal had to offer, the move proved challenging in many ways. Totally unexpected was the feeling of abandonment and loneliness. My husband worked out of town every week and some weekends. I found myself lost and descending into an inner darkness. At the time I had no idea I was sinking into depression. Though I was open to being bilingual, learning the language was far from easy for me. I never did become fluent. Finding office work without being bilingual was not easy. My self-esteem plummeted as the temporary office work I found was usually boring and lonely. The offices were mainly French speaking and though the people were nice, I felt alone. There was an underlying current of animosity towards Anglophones from the general public. At the time I had no idea I was picking up on that energy through my ‘spidey’ senses. All I knew was how I was treated by cashiers at the grocery stores, at the provincial offices and various other places. Unfriendly and rude for the most part. It was all having an effect on me.
Thankfully, teaching fitness classes forced me to get out of the house and meet people. My French teachers taught me words and phrases, enabling me to teach classes with a little French thrown in.
The urge to escape and move back out west was strong. My husband was very aware of my state. He had no idea how to help. His job required him to travel into every nook and cranny of Canada, training employees on new hardware and software. Not really living in the city, he had no concept of what I was going through. Thankfully, a year after the move a job opportunity came up in Vancouver, BC. We discussed it long and hard. Surprisingly, it was me that said, ‘There must be a reason why we are here. No, why I am here. I’ve stuck it out for a year, we will stay.’ Where those words manifested from is a mystery. They were spoken and the decision made. We stayed in Montreal. I continued with one on one French lessons for another year, taught fitness classes and took temporary office positions.
After some deep soul searching, wondering what I was going to do with my life, I suddenly remembered how much I enjoyed yoga. The exploration of this intriguing practice began once again. My mat became my refuge, a safe place for emotions to surface. Quite often I rolled out my mat, laid on it and the tears arrived. This was surprising to me, yet hugely releasing. Practice would commence with me yawning continuously through the whole class. Through movement, breath and simply Being, the process of learning more about myself began. The conscious and unconscious tension I carried in my body surfaced and began to unravel. Breathing techniques (pranayama) calmed my frazzled nervous system. Breath and reconnecting with myself started shifting the depression. The idea of becoming a yoga teacher surfaced. I checked out numerous disciplines of yoga and started a daily practice of yoga using the AM/PM videos I had bought in Calgary.
In November of 2001 I took a weekend teacher training for Fitness Professionals. That training sparked an inner thirst to learn more, much more. In 2002 I took my first formal yoga teacher training (YTT) with Integrative Yoga Therapy. Leaving overwhelmed with information, yet fascinated with what I had learnt, it was clear I would be a student of yoga for life. Seeking a more traditional training, in 2007 I embarked on another 200 hour YTT with Yogrishi Vishvketu of Akhanda Yoga. Two years later I took his 500 hour (now known as the 300 hour) YTT in Rishikesh, India. Both trainings were life changing. Profound experiences, including my heart cracking open and the realization that I DID want to stay in my marriage, occurred in India. I returned transformed.
Other teachers influencing my practice and teaching include: Donna Farhi, Mark Whitwell, Rodney Yee, Shiva Rea, Rameen Peyrow and David McAmmond.
Yoga essentially saved me from an inner darkness threatening my life. It was the beginning of my journey back home to Myself. Because of it, I have inner peace and a deeper understanding of life. My fascination with this incredible practice continues. I am a student of yoga for life.